http://pastlifeshadowdancing.com/please-tell-me-what-you-think-of-my-short-story-i-have-posted-it-before-but-have-changes-a-few-things/ The Debi Rose Spiritual Healing Blog Mon, 16 May 2011 02:20:59 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.2.1 http://pastlifeshadowdancing.com/please-tell-me-what-you-think-of-my-short-story-i-have-posted-it-before-but-have-changes-a-few-things/comment-page-1/#comment-4730 Annette Sat, 01 Aug 2009 07:53:59 +0000 http://pastlifeshadowdancing.com/please-tell-me-what-you-think-of-my-short-story-i-have-posted-it-before-but-have-changes-a-few-things/#comment-4730 This is a good short story, You have painted a picture for the reader & the ending is truly heartfelt & holds much depth. However, there are a few spelling & punctuation errors. Colourful is spelled as....colorful. After the sentence.."I wonder if he is feeding his young, is this instinct that drives him to do this, or is it a parental love?" If you broke that up into 2 sentences the first would end in a period & the 2nd portion or sentence would end in a question mark. Otherwise, there is no question mark here...this is your statement & not an actual question so this sentence should end in a period. The same paragraph you have referred to yourself as i instead of I in a capital letter. Also breaking up the initial description of the runner into 2 sentences could give your reader a better understanding & a more descriptive look at her. As it's read now leads to some light confusion. Always remember that writing a story should paint a picture in the minds eye of your readers as if we are watching a movie & should not be difficult to read to the extent that the reader needs to read the same sentence over in an effort to understand what you the author is attempting to portray. Make the necessary changes & you have yourself a very nice short story. Good job!!<br><b>References : </b><br> This is a good short story, You have painted a picture for the reader & the ending is truly heartfelt & holds much depth. However, there are a few spelling & punctuation errors. Colourful is spelled as….colorful. After the sentence.."I wonder if he is feeding his young, is this instinct that drives him to do this, or is it a parental love?" If you broke that up into 2 sentences the first would end in a period & the 2nd portion or sentence would end in a question mark. Otherwise, there is no question mark here…this is your statement & not an actual question so this sentence should end in a period. The same paragraph you have referred to yourself as i instead of I in a capital letter. Also breaking up the initial description of the runner into 2 sentences could give your reader a better understanding & a more descriptive look at her. As it’s read now leads to some light confusion. Always remember that writing a story should paint a picture in the minds eye of your readers as if we are watching a movie & should not be difficult to read to the extent that the reader needs to read the same sentence over in an effort to understand what you the author is attempting to portray. Make the necessary changes & you have yourself a very nice short story. Good job!!
References :

]]> http://pastlifeshadowdancing.com/please-tell-me-what-you-think-of-my-short-story-i-have-posted-it-before-but-have-changes-a-few-things/comment-page-1/#comment-4729 Old Creeping Judas Sat, 01 Aug 2009 07:33:59 +0000 http://pastlifeshadowdancing.com/please-tell-me-what-you-think-of-my-short-story-i-have-posted-it-before-but-have-changes-a-few-things/#comment-4729 Wow, im impressed, i really did not expect much, a lot of what gets posted here ends up being garbage, but this is really good. Very good use of description, you paint the picture without going overboard with unnecessary details. Plus it is an intelligent piece of work, not the superficial crap people expect a pat on the back for<br><b>References : </b><br> Wow, im impressed, i really did not expect much, a lot of what gets posted here ends up being garbage, but this is really good. Very good use of description, you paint the picture without going overboard with unnecessary details. Plus it is an intelligent piece of work, not the superficial crap people expect a pat on the back for
References :

]]> http://pastlifeshadowdancing.com/please-tell-me-what-you-think-of-my-short-story-i-have-posted-it-before-but-have-changes-a-few-things/comment-page-1/#comment-4728 Twilighter = Desperate Sat, 01 Aug 2009 06:48:59 +0000 http://pastlifeshadowdancing.com/please-tell-me-what-you-think-of-my-short-story-i-have-posted-it-before-but-have-changes-a-few-things/#comment-4728 This really isn't so much of a short story as it is an essay, and a good one, too! Keep it up!<br><b>References : </b><br> This really isn’t so much of a short story as it is an essay, and a good one, too! Keep it up!
References :

]]>