I just wrote this, can someone tell me how it sounds, please?

"-Grab him!" the tall woman whispered, her blonde hair flowing as she ran down the vast hallway, door after door flashing by; some tall, some short and fat, some wooden and others marble. Her shoes clicked quietly on the cold tile floor, echoing down the hallway. A door flew open at the end of the room, and out ran a light-haired man, a swathe of blankets in his arms.

"Coming, I am coming!" he called out, carefully bouncing on his tiptoes to avoid making a ruccus, "The dark morrocan door a few yards down keep the sleeping guards, so you must be especially careful," he warned, as the frump of silken blankets in his arms began to stir, "Shh…" he whispered to the blankets, and they quieted.

The couple continued down the hall, past door after door. Some were simple, some were intricate. Some seemed willing to tell a story, while others looked discreet and uninviting. As the woman glanced up at the ceiling, she saw something move beside the crystal chadalier, hidden in the shadows.

"Decimus… there is something hiding by the chandalier…" the woman said nervously, her hands shaking,

"Hand me Daxter…" she whispered fervently, "I know Zen very well. I know he shall grant our wish for our child," the light haired man mulled it over silently in his mind, his temples pounding. Time was running out…

"Very well," the man named Decimus said, his voice cracking as he pulled back the silk blankets, revealing a tiny pink face, a plume of dark hair sticking up from the top of his small head. Decimus planted a kiss on his head with a tear in his eye, and kissed the woman delicately as he wiped the tears away, his eyes red and sore, "Send him my love on Earth…" Decimus said and stroked the soft skin of his only son for the last time.

"Hurry, hurry!" he warned and dashed off down the hallway, "I love you," he said as he jogged back the other way, parting from his soul mate for the last time. With a final glance back at the slender woman dashing down the hallway, he turned to face the creature lurking in the shadows.

Hopefully a creature he could best with his hands.

"Come out from hiding!" he shouted, the hundreds of doors rattling in reply. A hissing sound escaped the shadows, a full rack of canine teeth shining down at him from the darkness.

"I can see you trying to save your son, Decimus," it snickered with a throaty growl, it’s mouth opening to unspeakable size as it whined, flicking its pink tongue eagerly, "But, then again, I can see everything,"

"You can’t see everything!" he yelled fiercly, a yell that would leave most people cowering, but the creature was not hesitant to answer,

"Oh but Decimus, I can. You see, not only am I now a Lemure, I was also a Seer in past life, before the wonderful transformation," it breathed in mockingly, "I may be a Nero in your eyes, but in the eyes of my people I am much more," it reached out its clawed limbs and crawled between the shadows in the high arches of the ceiling, "I was the one to foresee the prophecy, and I will be the one to fulfill it, not your son. In fact, after I have peeled away your skin, danced in your blood, and picked your bones, I shall Overshadow your son, and perhaps leave your wife as a persent to my people,"

"You aren’t anything to be afraid of, you measly Lemure," the man taunted, but as the creature unburied itself from the shadows, and peered into its bloodshot eyes, he knew…

"Yes, Decimus… fear me. I am bathing in it," it breathed mneacingly, spreading its lips as it ran over its smoky black skin with its tongue, "Now, to feast…"

Just then, a door began to rattle and burst open. The Lemure lunged at Decimus, mouth open wide enough to fit a person. Decimus’ vision went black as teeth like swords pierced his skull, and he fell to the cold, hard tile…

I just wrote it a minute ago, does it sound interesting or scary at all? And not a good horror writer, but this sounds okay, right?

(Could you also tell me how old you think I am by reading this? You don’t have to answer this one, but if you want ^-^ )
thanks for answering everyone :]

And I’m only 13, actually ^-^

I try not to use so much detail, but it’s hard. I could rattle on all day about details, yet I couldn’t read anything with a lot of details for my life

I am not saying that you should write in a minimalistic style, but lay off on the adverbs and adjectives. Especially refrain from using extensive attributions after your quotes. What I mean by this is that writing "he said" or "she said" or "[name] said" is more than sufficient. If you look at your quotes, they are attributed too heavily. Things "snicker with throaty growls," people "yell fiercely," creatures "breathe mockingly," and so on. Refrain from doing this. It is very tacky.